Foundations of Open Relating for wild and tender hearts
A 16-week journey into the fundamentals of creating the relationships that truly work for you.
Note: this was formerly called the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle
[Update 8/28/24 - September Cohort is sold out]
Hello fellow wild and tender heart,
If you’re here, you've likely already taken the first steps towards exploring unconventional ways of relating. You want something different than the status quo - maybe you want to change or break patterns of the past, and you’re willing to bravely challenge everything you’ve ever been told in order to find or create the loving relationships that fit who you truly are. But maybe you still have a lot of questions. Maybe you know that the answers aren’t found by just adopting a different set of rules, but are instead somewhere within yourself. But how can you find what’s right for you and trust yourself when everything you were ever taught feels wrong?
Here’s what I know.
Connection is your birthright. You are designed to have relationships that are nourishing, authentic, loving, joyful, and meaningful – relationships that celebrate your unique qualities and empower you to grow and thrive.
I actually can’t tell you how you’ll get there. What I can do is offer you a container to help you discover your path, show you tools to help you walk down it, and hold a supportive community of folks who are doing the same right alongside you.
This and more is what you will receive in Foundations of Open Relating for Wild and Tender Hearts. Over 16 weeks, you will learn and practice tools that in my experience are essential to any relationship, but especially ones that go off-script. You’ll also have the opportunity to be coached in-group by me, Libby Sinback, the host and creator of the Making Polyamory Work podcast. This is an experiential space like no other.
In this immersive program, you'll be invited to:
1. Dig into your values and your “why” for relationships. This is your backbone and your compass that you will come back to again and again to support you and guide your decisions.
2. Practice relational empowerment, and “power with” relating.
3. Discover what it means for you to have healthy boundaries between you and others, and between you and you.
4. Learn the most important relationship skill that, without it, makes all other skills pointless. (Hint: it’s not about communication.)
5. Understand what creates a secure foundation for yourself and how to build security through the process of rupture and repair with your partners
6. Create agreements that actually work, as well as a framework for how to adjust agreements as relationships grow and change.
7. Cultivate pleasure and joy in yourself and your connections with others
8. Create rituals that infuse your relationships with meaning and purpose
“I thought I’d come here to learn to relate better in my relationships, but I’ve learned to relate better to myself and that’s going to make all the difference in how I relate to others. I can’t find enough words to share how positive this experience has been.”
— Nicole, January 2024 Cohort
The Foundations of Open Relating for Wild and Tender hearts 16-week program includes:
- Pre-recorded, scaffolded teaching modules on various aspects of the pillars of integrated open relating
- Weekly 2-hour live group sessions for integration, practice and coaching led by Libby
- A community of like-minded individuals who share your passion for relational living and unconventional relationships
- An private online space for further group discussions and personal reflections led by peer mentors
- Bonus resources, including bonus workshops, worksheets and guided meditations
- Access to our regular alumni calls once you’ve completed the program, continuing the journey with Libby and fellow wild and tender hearts
You are invited on a journey down a rarified path
If this work calls to you, I’m certain that you belong here with us. If you have read this far, this is your direct invitation to join me in Foundations of Open Relating for Wild and Tender Hearts.
Foundations of Open Relating (for Wild and Tender Hearts) will be offered in 2 cohorts in 2024. Each cohort will meet once a week for 2 hours.
Each week will center on a different practice or theme, centered around one of the 4 pillars. Each week in the course portal there will recorded teachings around each theme. You’ll have homework/practices each week to support your learning.
The weekly live call will be a 120-minute group coaching call. During this call we will do a mix of group coaching, roleplays, Q&A, and discussion. This is where you come for help, with questions, and to integrate (and transform) in community. This is the part most participants find invaluable and irreplaceable. The group calls are a crucial part of the deep work and shifts that can happen in this program.
To ensure everyone gets the adequate amount of support and attention, all cohorts have limited enrollment.
Update 8/28/24 - September Cohort is sold out
Sign up for the waitlist to be notified when the next cohort will begin!
Participants share their experiences…
“I’ve taught myself where my boundaries are, what my whoosh looks like, and that has given me this sense of control that I just never had over what was happening internally. I now have the ability to say “no” lovingly. Also to hear everyone else's stories gives me a completely different perspective on what else is out there. It's all just priceless.”
Marcus | November 2021 Cohort
“I've learned so much about myself and the ways I've been showing up in my relationships. Having a community of people who are also working on intentional relationships was incredibly supportive as I worked through new ways of seeing and doing things. I would highly recommend this program.”
Kelley | January 2024 Cohort
"The encouragement of my cohort supported me as I left a long term abusive relationship behind and made space to heal and love myself. That momentum flowed into the happiest time of my life where I feel safe and secure with myself and all of my relationships while having the courage to say Hell Yes to what I desire and No, Thank You to everything else. "
Tyra | November 2021 Cohort
"I feel like I've gained some really good new tools for the toolbox, in terms of understanding myself, understanding my partners, being able to communicate or understand what's happening in a given communication scenario. It's also been really cool to see some other dynamics or some challenges that come up for others that mirror my own or the ones that me and my partners are dealing with. And so it's nice to know I'm not alone and we're not alone."
Brandon | July 2022 Cohort
“After these 16 weeks, I feel like I have a strong foundation to have healthy relationships in my life. From lovers to partners to friends and family, I feel like I now know the skill of relationship.”
Aaron | July 2023 Cohort
"It's been such a profound experience to show up in community – to feel safe in a facilitated space, to be vulnerable together. To not have to be perfect, to hear each other's imperfections. To see my own challenges reflected in things others vulnerably shared has been just such a gift, such a balm that I'm not sure I knew I needed."
Athena | July 2022 Cohort
Update 8/28/24 - September Cohort is sold out
Breaking tuition into payments is for accessibility and is therefore offered at no extra cost. Tuition is non-refundable. Cost is per participant. Each person must register separately.
Sign up to be notified when the next cohort begins.
You retain indefinite access to course materials and recordings provided all boundaries are honored, i.e. confidentiality, intellectual property, etc… per terms of service.
Accessibility pricing is available. Click here for details.
The Four Pillars of Integrated Open Relating
Through my training, research and work with clients, I have identified four key pillars that I believe are necessary to support strong, functional, loving nonmonogamous relationships. All the teachings and practices in the Foundations of Open Relating for Wild and Tender Hearts are centered around one of these four pillars:
#1
Empowerment
Empowerment ensures that everyone in the relationship is treated with respect and equity, individuals holding themselves and others in warm regard. In an empowered relationship, everyone has the ability to set boundaries and limits and ask for what they want. Empowerment holds that everyone is responsible for themselves, but also accountable for their impact on others. Relational empowerment means that where we can, we help each other out and meet each other where we are, rather than leaving every person to fend for themselves.
Security is about knowing where you stand with the people in your life with clarity. Clear is kind. Security is not about certainty that the relationship will always continue or creating rigid agreements. It is about a commitment to creating strong but flexible relational practices that honor all people in the relationship - talking about changes proactively together, being intentional about what the relationship is and is not, and having a system of repairing ruptures when they happen.
#2
Security
Pleasure is the fuel that powers relationships. If there is no pleasure, joy, play, sensuality, frivolity, or fun together, a relationship can end up feeling like a job, another task to complete instead of something that enriches our lives. Pleasure is also about embodiment and intimacy - learning to be naked together, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually, and finding new ways to express and understand ourselves through our partnership with others.
#3
Pleasure
For many people, their relationships are what give life meaning. We may find that meaning through our play partners, but many of us are also looking for people to do life with. We are creating families, communities, and a legacy of love and healing. We are only on this planet for a relatively short while, and it's my belief that a life well-lived is a life well-loved.
#4
Meaning
Here are just a few outcomes that some of the past participants have shared:
“I feel like I'm more confident in who I am, what it is I want/desire, and what I want in my relationships. I've gained a greater understanding of myself and being able to love myself for who I am.”
- Chad
“Where I used to want to just self-defeat or loathe or spiral, I feel like I have so, so many more coping skills. I have supportive people. I have a community. I have every reason to bring myself back and Libby, your resources have been awesome. They've been a tremendous guide. Being able to get out of my head and into my body has been the most amazing aspect of this entire thing, as well as everyone else sharing what they have been experiencing. It's just been really awesome.”
- Tom
“I feel really free and joyful to create relationship and community on my own terms according to what I need and want. I'm feeling a sense of rebirth. I couldn't have imagined it a year ago. This group has been really wonderful for me.”
- Saoirse
“The vision that I had of myself from five months ago was inward and defensive and submissive, trying to make my way, but by pleasing what other people wanted. This group has given me an opportunity to see other ways of being. I’m more stable, less fragile, more confident.”
- Holly
“It’s just amazing to feel so free and to be meeting people that are also in this poly life. It's amazing. I am so far ahead of where I was. I'm pretty shocked how far I am. I know my journey goes until I'm gone, but I'm super happy where I am.”
- Rebecca
“I’ve felt more me than I’ve ever felt and more capable than ever in navigating all my relationships.”
- Lara
“What this has done has given me permission really to allow myself to follow my heart and follow the journey that I'm on. I didn't really feel like I could allow myself to do that. I knew that I was on a path, I knew that this felt right, but I just didn't know how to bring it to be. I now have confidence that I can navigate that future, with clarity and tools.”
- Charlie
“The group has helped me be more present and mindful. I’m beginning to realize that even though I’m way up there in years, and I don’t feel like I want to make a lot more changes in my life, I think I can still make some changes to make the rest of my years even better. Don’t put yourself on cruise.”
- Jim
“I think the biggest, most profound thing that shifted for me was other people were seeing things in me that I wasn't really able to see in myself yet, feeling like I could change my story, that everything is sort of unwritten and I can really start to shift and change the way that I engage in my relationships and my patterns, and then I don't have to carry a lot of shame around it. I feel a lot stronger.”
- Autumn
I'm Libby
Hi,
Hi, I’m Libby. I always knew I wanted to do relationships differently. In part, because I was just different - what seemed to work for other people just didn’t work for me. But also, when I looked around, I mostly saw people in relationships that were maybe stable, but didn’t seem all that happy. I decided I wanted not just happy, but extraordinary.
Today I’m happy to say that I have the love in my life that I always wanted, and it is more beautiful, nourishing, and wildly loving than anything I could have imagined.
If that’s something you are looking for, I want it for you too.
Relating outside the box isn’t easy - I figured out so much through a lot of trial-and-error, putting a lot of pieces of different ideas together for myself, working collaboratively with my partners, synthesizing and adding to all the tools and information I had absorbed on my journey. While everyone really has to find their own way, my hope for you is that I can give to you some of what I wished I'd had. I’ve walked alongside hundreds of folks along their open relating journeys, helping them build self-trust and relational wisdom, and that is exactly what we will do together
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Integrated Open Relating?
I used to call this Relational Nonmonogamy, but relational felt like too vague a term, and nonmonogamy felt like defining relating by what we’re not doing rather than what we are doing. Integrated Open Relating is rooted in the belief that loving relationships are not just ethical and consensual, but also integrated with our values, strengthened by mutual empowerment, build security, increase wellbeing, and are a source of pleasure and meaning in our lives. Integrated Open Relating honors that we are not just a bunch of individual actors, but that we are also the caretakers of our relational ecosystem, and thus how we move through the world and treat one another matters. Integrated Open Relating values power with instead of power over, meaning, nobody is more important than anyone else, no one is trying to control anyone else, and power isn't zero sum, but rather sharing power gives everyone more power. Integrated Open Relating embraces discomfort and vulnerability and messiness, because inside those things is intimacy and connection and deep understanding.
How long is this program?
The program lasts 16 weeks. If you join, please be ready to commit to participating for the full 16 weeks.
Is this for individuals or couples?
Yes! Individuals or couples (or triads or quads or more!) may participate. However, each individual must register separately. (Why? Because I don't want to privilege coupled people over individuals! Google "couple privilege" for more information about that.)
It is HIGHLY encouraged that you invite people from your relational ecosystem to join you - partners, sure but also friends, family members, queerplatonic life partners... you name it. And if you bring in someone you know, you will have the opportunity to work with Libby directly on your relationship TOGETHER during group coaching.
If it’s a group program, will I get personal attention?
Yes! Participants will be able to receive coaching by Libby during the group coaching calls. Not every participant will be receive coaching on every call, but everyone who wants one will get a turn. Also, you’d be surprised how often someone else is working on the same issue that you are! If there’s a desire for more individual attention, you will have the option to book up to 2 private sessions with Libby at a discounted rate.
How often are calls?
Once a week. Each week, there will be a 2-hour group coaching call centered around a weekly theme. The theme will be on one aspect of one of the pillars. The coaching call will be a chance to ask questions, integrate the learning, and receive individualized coaching on whatever issue is alive for you that week.
What if I can't make the calls?
If you have to miss a call, each call will be recorded and available for download - you can keep them forever. While I encourage you to join all calls live, this is not a requirement. You can still participate via the online group, especially around the teaching material. However, even though the calls are recorded, if you cannot make the majority of the calls live, I encourage you to wait and join the group at a more convenient time for you, as being “live” with your cohort is one of the benefits of the program.
How many hours each week do I need to have available?
There is a total of 2 hours of calls each week. In addition, there is a recorded video module (15-30 minutes in length) that you are encouraged to watch each week. Be prepared to spend maybe 1-2 hours a week for practice, reflection, etc.
Is there accessibility pricing?
I endeavor to keep all my offerings as affordable as I can while also setting prices that reflect the value and time it takes to create them. That said, I’m also committed to making my offerings accessible, while also making sure that my work can sustain my life. There are two ways I have worked to make this program accessible for folks:
1: There is a payment plan available at no additional cost for everyone. The regular price is Tier 1 and reflects the true cost of the program.
2: Sliding scale discounts.
Sliding scale discounts are intended to support people who have systemic or historic economic hardship in accessing support. If you are experiencing temporary cash flow problems, I encourage you to just wait until you have the available funds and pay the full price.
If you would like to access the sliding scale discounts, here are the guidelines and instructions to access those discounts.
Tier 2 - 30% off
If you are struggling to conquer debt or build savings or move away from paycheck to paycheck living but have access to steady income and are not spending most of your time thinking about meeting basic needs such as food, shelter, medical care, child care, etc. and don't have partners or family members as a source of financial support, consider this tier.
If you type in the code TIER2 at checkout - you will get 30% off the full price.
Tier 3 - 60% off
If you are historically marginalized, disabled or struggle to maintain access to needs such as health care, housing, food, child care, and are living paycheck to paycheck or are in significant debt, consider this tier.
If you type in the code TIER3 at checkout - you will get 60% off the full price.
Sliding scale discounts apply to the one-time payment and the payment plans equally.
Are there refunds?
If you are unable to participate in the course, and give noticed at least 1 week prior to the start, you may receive a refund minus a $50 administrative fee or you can transfer your registration to another cohort up to 24 months in the future. Once the course has started, you can receive a 50% refund. If you are part of the course for more than 2 weeks, your tuition is not refundable, but you do have the option to transfer to a later cohort up to 24 months in the future.
Will there be replays?
You will be able to download all recordings of calls and teachings for your personal use indefinitely.